hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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