It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
