So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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