I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
