do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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