I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
