If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
