I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
