I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
