Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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