She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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