Only a mothe r could love this liver
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
