genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I could make wine with my vomit
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You pole danced in your parka.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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