I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
