My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
