I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
