Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
