i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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