addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
