shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
