So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
