Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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