What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
