When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
