This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
