Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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