Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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