I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
