I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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