Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
