let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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