Will you blow on my dice?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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