it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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