I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
