There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
