they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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