my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
