I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
