I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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