the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
