I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
