I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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