My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.