i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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