Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.