My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.