hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.