just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them