so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
