I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
