onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
