mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
