I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
