Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
