did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
