I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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