How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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