I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
