Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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