I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
