areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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