Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
