Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
