You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
