You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
