I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i out mim tonsoeep
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