I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
