'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
