he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
