Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
