i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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