Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
