I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
